are you still at the devil's house?
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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