If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
