I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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