sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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