It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
