3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
