How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
