You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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