Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
