I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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