Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
