Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
