great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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