my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
