erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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