i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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