New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
