My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
what is it with giant penises always finding me
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
