There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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