Is it normal to miss your booty call?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
