I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
