It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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