May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
