dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
