break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
