But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
