i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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