He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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