Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He? As in you personified your dick?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
