HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
