shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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