so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
