I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I am one with the molecules
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
