You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
