When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
