that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
