In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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