you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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