i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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