Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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