Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
