They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
