i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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