Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
