Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
