How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Randomize
