So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
