Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
