I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
then he tried to convert me to islam
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
