I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
