..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
