Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
