if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
