Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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