If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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